Everything is a risk. Not doing anything is a risk. It’s up to us.
Today was the final day in my flat and i handed it over to a nice girl who’s going to stay in my apartment. Now i am at Amy’s Place, where im staying for the last days and its also the first time i got a little bit of time for myself after running from one goodbye-dinner to another.
I fucking loved these last months. It was super awesome to hang around with all the peeps i know and love. During the last weeks everything worked out as planned or even better. I had great partys (even know im almost never partying in normal life) and strenghtened a lot of friendships, had deep conversations with people i never thought about before, i even met some old friends again which i didn’t plan. Work, Money, Social Life – everything was great and i was feeling like i’m living the best life ever, i was wondering how i should leave.
Since a few days everything got a lot more calmer, my To-Do-Tasks are countable on one-hand already and after these busy days i start to feel uncomfortable in this new situation. Today im worrying a lot about being alone and getting into dangerous situations. Of course all the natural disasters are affecting me, im way to german not to think about all the bad things that could happen. And its not really helpful that everyone im meeting starts the conversation with „are you sure, you wanna go there?“
Im also scared about losing someone i love and not spending the last time with them. Im scared about how it will be going back – if it is possible at all or if i am going to end up lost. And im definitely scared about losing my routine – although that will be one of the greatest benefits on this trip. Its funny because all the stuff i wanna do, like living with locals, spending more time alone and doing my divemaster scares the fucking hell out of me. But im sure thats normal, so im just trying to stay calm because i know its gonna be a good time. Just wanted to share also this mixed feelings as they are part of the journey i guess and most probably im gonna laugh about it soon – but thats how it feels at the moment.